YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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