I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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