I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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