can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
