dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
