You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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