they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
