I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
