to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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