So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
