Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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