So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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