so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
