K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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