Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
