The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
