think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
