How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
