She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
