you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
