Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I CAN MOONWALK!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
