My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
