I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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