I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
