you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
