and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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