So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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