carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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