Dude my mom stole all your condoms
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
