I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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