she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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