he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
