I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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