I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wish you could order shots online.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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