I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
