I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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