ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
