Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
