that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
