I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
