i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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