Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
