I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
