no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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