Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
