Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
