I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Rumble strips road head = magical
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
