im drinking this country out of the recession.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
