last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
