Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
